Selling Versus Helping

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How many times have you said (or hear someone say) –

I hate sales.

I’m not good at sales.

I just hate feeling pushy.

I never know how to follow up.

I get really nervous when I ask for money.

I struggle with being confident in my rates.

I could go on. But I won’t.

There are a few things going on here that I want to address.

Your subconscious mind is powerful.

Like unbelievably powerful. And every time you say “I hate…” you’re telling your subconscious mind that you hate something. And so it is.

Your self-talk around this is so important, guys. The more you tell yourself it’s bad, yucky, icky, pushy, sleazy and so on – the more true that becomes.

When you can’t sell – you don’t have a business. I hate to be so blunt about it, but it’s true. And it’s important. Change your self-talk – change your business.

You have to believe in yourself.

You have to have unshakable belief in what you’re doing. You have to believe in the value that you bring to the table. You have to know that the people you work with will be better off because of their time (and money) they spent with you.

Instead of thinking of how “easy” your skill set is to you – think of the value you bring to the person you’re working. If you think the keto diet is super easy – think of the value that your knowledge of the keto diet is to someone that is a hardcore sugar addict. If you’re a digital marketer – think of how valuable your marketing skills could be to someone’s business. If you get them the leads they need for their business – what would that mean to them? How would their life be impacted?

You have to believe that what you do changes people’s lives. Even if it’s in the simplest way.

Okay, so Ryann, how do I address this? I really don’t like selling though – how can I change that talk track? And I believe in what I do – but I’m still super nervous about people not seeing the value in it. 

The first thing you need to do is give yourself a little grace.

We don’t all become superstars overnight. Even the most successful online business owner or #1 producer in a large sales organization started somewhere. And they were probably terrified, too.

Here’s the small shift I want you to make immediately. Instead of thinking about “selling” to your ideal client, I want you think about “helping.”

How do you help people?

No one wants to be sold, but most of us want a little help. Most of the time, we’re willing to pay for life changing help.

You’re not selling someone health coaching or digital marketing services. You’re helping someone hit their weight loss goals and chase their kids. You’re helping someone get more visible in their business and make more money.

When you put it in that perspective – you’re doing the world a disservice by NOT selling them your solution. I was listening to a podcast this week by Kendrick Shope (she’s my unofficial mentor) and she talked about feeling like it is her obligation to keep serving and to keep helping.

Once I let that sink it – it really cleared things up for me. On the days that you don’t want to, on the days that you feel like you’re not serving anyone well, on the days where you would rather do ANYTHING other than take another “sales call” – keep in mind that by NOT doing it, you’re cheating someone out of their opportunity to get the help that they need.

Like all things in life, we can’t force people to get help when they’re not ready to. People have to ask for help. They have to want to put in the work, make the investment, show up every day, and take quit off of the table.

That’s what sales is.

It’s showing someone the way. If offering a solution. It’s understanding their situation, their goals, their pain points and what it’s worth to them to fix those problems. Once you do all of those things – you tell them how you can help, if they’re willing to helpf themselves.


Seriously though. Change your mindset around your sales conversations and really think about the value that someone gets when they work with you -you’ll be amazed how quickly your business will grow!


How To Write A Prospecting Email

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When engaging with brand new prospects, it’s important to create familiarity, show your personality, and ask for what you want – all while not appearing to sell before you’ve earned the right.

Easy, right?!

I know that it’s not and that sometimes reaching out to a brand new prospect can be really scary. If you follow these steps to writing an effective prospecting email, you can have confidence that you’re setting yourself up for sales success.

What is a prospecting email? And how is it different than the email sequence you send out to someone who has opted in for your freebie?

A prospecting email is an introduction email to a totally cold prospect. This prospect likely hasn’t engaged with you in anyway other than perhaps a quick meeting at a networking event.

Your email sequence for your email list is a story telling opportunity that helps you get to know the prospect. This person has opted in to receive email from you, allowing you to be more casual and start showing your personality!

A few things to remember, before we start writing our prospecting email – 

1 – Not everyone is your customer. You can send out hundreds and hundreds of emails, and still only 1-2% of people are going to respond and further the conversation. Don’t take it personally.

2 – Email is best when combined with other touch points. Social media, LinkedIn messages, DM on FB or Instagram, phone calls, even a handwritten note can help make your emails more effective.

3 – Not everyone will read your first email. Or your second email, Or your third email. It’s best to have an email sequence of 5-8 emails sent 3-5 days apart to be successful in getting some sort of response (good or bad) from your prospect.

One of my best sales tips is to put yourself in the prospects shoes. What kind of emails do you read? What kind of emails do you respond to? How often do you check your email? How often do you forget to respond to emails, even the ones you want to?

Being mindful of all the things we just talked about, we can start putting together our prospecting email.

Part 1: Personalize your greeting but do not ask how they’re doing.

Nothing says “SALES EMAIL” like a “Hi Sarah, how are you doing today?”

I also recommend taking that out of your prospecting phone calls, but we can talk about that another day.

Use their name, then move on.

Part 2: Tell them why you’re reaching out.

I’m reaching out because I saw your awesome FB video…

I am emailing you today to congratulate you on the award you received…

I wanted to connect because I saw your thoughtful post in that FB group/LinkedIn message…

You get my point. There has to be a “because,” and it can’t be about you. Meaning, your “because” can’t be – I’m writing you because I think you’re my ideal client and I want to sell you something.

Part 3: Get to the point…quickly

You’ve explained why you’re reaching out, now you need to create some interest without selling. To do this, you can focus on the challenges or issues your ideal client has. You can also focus on results. Basically, tell them why your current clients hired you!

Sarah, I help business owners like you do three things…

1 – Result #1

2 – Result #2

3 – Result #3

Sarah, when I work with entrepreneurs I find that they have these challenges..

1 – Challenge #1

2 – Challenge #2

3 – Challenge #3

Sarah, my clients tell me that their biggest issue is…

1 – Issue #1

2 – Issue #2

3 – Issue #3

I like having three specific examples, results, issues, instances, etc. It will up your chances of one of them resonating with them.

Part 4: Tell them how you can help.

This one is easy for most of us! What are two to three ways you can solve the problems we mentioned in Part 3.

Sarah, if you’re looking for those kind of results – I can help. By (doing this) and (this) and (this) – my clients see results in as little as 4-6 weeks!

Sarah, if you have these issues – I can help. By (putting this process in place) and (this simple idea) and (working on this) – I can help solve your problems and have you hitting your goals in 90 days!

Sarah, if these challenges sound familiar – I can help! I work with my clients to (do this) and (this) and (this). Implementing these changes often wind up paying off of my clients in as little as 14 days!

Tangible time frames are helpful, but not mandatory.

Part 5 – Ask for the appointment.

Sarah, if you’re interested in learning more about how this solution can work for you, let’s connect for a 15 minute call.

Sarah, I’d love to see if this solution is a good fit for you and your business. Let’s jump on a quick call to discuss.

Sarah, can I offer you a complimentary 15 minute strategy call? We can talk through your specific challenges and see if we’re a fit to work together.

Part 6 (optional) – Add a P.S.

If you have a freebie they should download or a FB group you’d like them join, add that to the P.S. If there is a specific offer they can take advantage of – that works, too!

The key here, guys, is to start building a relationship with the prospect and establish credibility. If you ask for the appointment without doing those 2 things – you’re likely to get ignored, regardless of how good your follow up emails are.

The more specific you can be in the results you provide or challenges you solve for, the better!

If you’ve met this person before (virtually or in real life) – start your email with something personal. Bonus points if you tell them how or where you met.

If you’d like me to review your prospecting email – join Sales Skills for Women in Business – and I will review and give you my feedback!

When Do I Ask For The Sale?

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Asking for the sale could arguably be the hardest part of the sales process. It will surprise you to learn that I don’t agree (ha!) with that, but I do want to talk about the importance of timing in asking for the business.

It’s important to not ask before you’ve earned the right to, but it’s equally important to wait too long to ask as well. Confusing, right?

Let’s break this down.

What happens when we ask for the sale or to do business with someone too soon?

Frankly, we get a no, or worse – a maybe. And we believe that it’s a no because we’re not good enough, they can’t afford us, or whatever other reasons we tell ourselves about why people don’t want to do business with us.

In all honestly, getting a no when you’ve asked too soon probably has very little to do with YOU and your value, but rather you haven’t spent enough time learning about the prospect, their needs and challenges, and how important it is for them to make a change. Without this information, you can’t build value specifically for the prospect.

Let me dig in a little bit deeper. When you ask for the sale before you’ve really built a relationship, the no could easily be just that. They don’t know you well enough and they don’t trust you enough to make an investment. If you do have a relationship, but you’re still hearing no, it’s likely because you haven’t really explained how your solution can really benefit them.

It’s important to be specific. It’s above and beyond your elevator pitch about what you do and who you help. It’s letting them know you can solve their very specific problem. If you ask too soon, without having enough information, you’ll have a hard time painting this picture.

Simply put, if you ask for the sale too soon, you’re more likely to hear no or maybe – simply because you haven’t build enough value and shown the prospect how you can specifically help them with their challenge.

Make sense?

Let’s talk about waiting too long to ask for the sale.

We’ve built a relationship, we’ve learned about the prospects specific needs, we’ve answered their concerns, and we’ve been a sounding board for them for their problems. Sounds like a best case scenario, right?

Unfortunately, it’s not. One of two things can happen here.

1 – You’ve formed a relationship with the client that makes it easy to say no. When you’re too close, too friendly, providing too much value without a working relationship – you become overfamiliar. And in turn, easy to say no to. It’s easier to say no to someone that you know, someone that you know won’t take it personally, and someone is who more likely to continue helping you anyway, right?

Yes, you can make it too easy for someone to say no.

2 – Aside from over familiarity, waiting too long to ask for the sale can create a perception that you’re not that valuable. Harsh, I know. But when we provide too much for free, help someone at the drop of a hat, and become over available during their research phase, we appear too “available” and therefore – not as valued.

Sounds like dating right – you want to appear interested, but not too interested. You want to play hard too get, but not too hard.

But, in all seriousness – when you continue to work for someone for free – what’s their incentive to pay you?

How do you know when to ask for the sale?

You can ask for the sale when you know you’ve built a strong relationship with prospect, you know they trust you to solve their problem, and you fully understand how your solution will help them with their specific problem. Once you know all of these things – you’re safe to ask for the sale!

The best way to figure out if your timing is right is to follow a specific sales process. That way, you know where in the process you should insert your “ask.” The more systematic your approach, the more comfortable you will become in knowing when you’ve earned the right to invite someone to enter into a business relationship with you.

I also encourage you to think about what you need to know about your prospect to be certain you can help them. This will be different for each one of your reading this, but I encourage you to come up with three to five pieces of information you have to have to be able to enter into the ask phase of your sales process. This way, you can follow your process even while letting the conversation happen naturally and at the potential client’s speed! Win win for both of you!

Need help? I’d love to work through it with you! Shoot me an email and we can find a time to jump on a quick call to work through it! 

Sales Skills for Non Salespeople

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Okay, so you’re not “in sales” so to speak. Your business and livelihood isn’t tied to actually selling something to someone else – BUT you’re still responsible for getting stuff done.

  • You lead a team.
  • You influence others.
  • You negotiate terms.
  • You need or want something from someone (in business).

You need sales skills to get any of these things done. We can call it something else, if that makes you feel better…but for today’s purposes, we’re calling them sales skills.

There are plenty of different “skills” one can master to influence others, but I want to focus on three really important things to start with.


The most important thing you can do before you ask someone for anything is to really listen to them. Who are they? What are their pain points? What are they responsible for? How are they motivated?

When you ask these questions and then really listen to the answers – you’re in a much better situation when it’s time to ask for what you need.

Here’s the challenge – listen to truly hear their answer and understand their situation rather than listening to respond. This is HARD. We’re all guilting of thinking about what we’re going to say next. The real challenge here is to genuinely hear what the person is saying.

This is valuable for two reasons…

1 – Most people don’t do this these days. You will instantly be seen as someone who is thoughtful and interested.

2 – When you really understand a person’s situation, you’re in a much better position to help solve their problem.

Practice this as often as you can. You will see a difference in how your conversations go!

Use Intentional Language

If you’re not used to asking for things a lot, you probably find it a little bit intimidating and uncomfortable. Totally natural.

My best advice to you is to use intentional language. What do I mean by that?

Instead of “I’m hoping you might be able to find some time to talk to me about…”

Go with “Can we schedule 15 minutes of time to discuss…”

Another example…

“I know you’re super busy, but I was hoping you could help me with..”

Instead “Can you help me with….”

Don’t object for them! Ask for what you want and let them tell you that they’re busy, can’t help you, or whatever. Don’t create friction where it doesn’t exist!

Another word you to take out of your vocabulary when asking for something – JUST.

I was just following up…

I was just stopping by…

Can you just give me a few minutes…

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I’m following up, as promised,

I stopped by to introduce myself.

I’d like a few minutes of your time.

Be direct. Ask for what you want. Be intentional with your language. It will make a difference.

Follow up. Follow up. Follow up.

Have you ever heard that the fortune is in the follow up?! It’s true.

In most instances, when we’re asking for something – the person isn’t able to respond right away. Maybe they have to check their calendar, confirm with their boss, give it some thought, or whatever.

This means that you’re going to have to follow up to get your answer. And, you’re probably going to have to follow up more than once.

If you’re not used to it, I get that it makes you uncomfortable. You worry about being pushy or annoying. Here’s the deal – you’re busy right? Do you answer every email you get? Do you remember to answer all of your text messages? Do you need to be reminded to get back with the people that are waiting on you for an answer?

How do you feel when someone follows up with you? In most instances, aren’t you grateful for the reminder? Aren’t you embarrassed that you forgot to get back to that person?

Truth be told, that’s likely the instance with the person you’re waiting on for an answer as well. They’re busy. The person they needed to talk to to give you an answer was busy. They got pulled into a meeting. They’re on deadline for something important.

In order for you to get an answer (positive or negative) – you need to follow up.

The key is GOOD follow up.

Be intentional. Remember – be direct in your ask.

I’m not “just following up…” – I’m waiting on a specific answer you promised me.

If you’re following up for the second or third time – DO NOT apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t be sorry for bothering someone. Instead, give them permission to say no.

For instance, “Sarah, we had a great conversation about getting this done. Your timeline was 2-3 weeks. If that’s not our timeline anymore – can you update me on our next steps? Thanks!”

“Joe – in our last conversation you asked me to follow up in 2-3 days. I am confident that I can help with your situation, but never want to be an annoyance. Can you give me some insight into our next steps and how I can support you?”

“Rachel, I’m still waiting for confirmation from you on our next steps. Is there any additional information I can provide for you to move forward? I’m happy to follow up early next week, if that works with your schedule?”

Be professional. Be clear in your ask. And make it clear that you’re going to follow up again. Another key to success in follow up – vary your touch points. Email. Phone. Text. Stop by.

Different approaches will work better with different people – so keep changing it up!

Even if you’re not directly asking for business every day, you do need buy in from those around you. Implement these 3 things and let me know how it feels in your world and your business!

The #1 Way to Close More Business

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Ask more often.

I could end there, but what fun would that be?

Whether we want to admit it or not, sales is a numbers game. And you have to understand those numbers to hit your goal (that’s an entirely different blog post!). But, the best way to increase the amount of new business you win and new clients you work with – is to ask more people to work with you.

I don’t say this to be flippant or to over simplify the challenges you’re having in your business. I say this because it’s 100% true. The more conversations we have with our dream client, the more opportunities we will have to invite them to work with us, and the more of them that will say yes.

Over and above the sheer law of averages the more you ask – the better you get at it. The more objections you hear, and then overcome, the more comfortable you will be.

Remember the first time you drove a car. My guess is that it didn’t come naturally. It was awkward and terrifying at the same time. Asking for business is the same way. The first few times you do it, it will be awkward. And probably terrifying. But, once you do it over and over again – the more comfortable you will become. You’ll be able to easily anticipate objections and overcome them without stumbling and stuttering, because you’re well practiced. Just like you’re way better at driving then you were when you were 15 (right?!).

Let’s do some math, shall we?! Let’s say that 20% of the people you do discovery calls with wind up working with you. YAY for you.

If you do 10 discovery calls – you will bring on 2 new clients. If you do 20 discovery calls – you will bring on 4 new clients. Eventually, your closing rate is likely to improve, to let’s say, 30%. Then – 10 discover calls = 3 and 20 = 6. See how that works?!

I’m not proposing that you should go to talk to anyone and everyone about doing business with you. You’re a smart, ambitious business owner and you’re crystal clear on who you work with and who you serve. You shouldn’t change that to ask for business more frequently.

The change comes in your activity. What does that look like, you ask? It’s going to be specific to each of you, but essentially it means to you have to increase your reach. If you’re currently getting leads via FB lives – you might start doing more to increase your lead numbers. Maybe you get leads via YouTube or Paid Ads, increasing the frequency and spend will up your lead numbers.

If you find your prospects via cold calling or networking – you need to make more calls or attend more events. See how that works out?!

I know exactly what your next thought is…

Ryann, if I had time to do MORE, I’d be farther ahead right now. I’d already have more business that I can handle… I’m time-strapped as it is. What do you mean do MORE?

I hear you. And I have a challenge for you.

I want to write down what you do every single work day for 2 weeks. If you check email and shop online at the Gap, write that down. If you go grab a cup of coffee and wind up playing on your phone, write that down. If you budgeted one hour of time to work on social media, but spent 2, write that down.

You get my point. What am I looking to illustrate is that we’re likely wasting time each day on 2 things.

1 – You’re wasting time on things that have nothing do with your business during the time you’ve committed to working on your business.

2 – You’re spending too much time on activities that aren’t generating revenue for you.

I challenge you to really look at your activity and decide where you can replace “activity” with income-producing activity. And yes, I understand that social media is an important part of your business – but it’s also something can be done outside of your prime “selling time.”

Also, this might be a great time to see where you can delegate. If you’re spending time on a task, say that’s design related, and you’re NOT a designer – my guess is that a designer can do that better and faster than you.

When you’re honest with yourself about how you’re spending time your time, I’m 100% confident that you can find more time to generate more sales conversations, and in turn bring on new clients, and live the life you imagined for yourself when you started your business.

If you honestly think that there is NO WAY you can squeeze in more time – please reach out to me directly. We’ll take a look at your day, your calendar, your activities, and find ways for you to squeeze more income producing activities into your day!

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